Photo: Egypt. Pyramids. The land of Goshen with pyramids in the distance. 1950. Matson (G. Eric and Edith) Photograph Collection. Library of Congress.
Swearing was not something I heard growing up in my family. My father said “D–m” when the basement flooded. Some of the boys in our neighborhood tried swearing, but not indoors where any adult could hear them. My swearing vocabulary was therefore quite limited until I went to college, and then what I heard came almost entirely from young men’s mouths. In my lifetime those standards have fallen into the gutter.
One of my friends has slowly sworn more over the years, and now the explosives are quite frequent. That friend cursed me the other day with “F–k you, Lola, you’ve been a bitch all morning.” I think it’s the only time I’ve been cursed to my face. I didn’t respond. My body registered the language correctly – a verbal attack – and not responding was my defense.
I teach that when in conflict try to recall when you’ve said or done what your opponent is doing or saying to you. If you can remember how you felt, what you were thinking when you did something similar, it helps you understand the other person and work towards a solution. I realized that before we could leave to go to town I had to work through a long list of chores, was annoyed not to be offered help, and been silent.
At first I thought I’d never cursed a person and didn’t like it. Then came one of those moments when the veil lifts and you see yourself clearly. I’d cursed my husband (D–n you!”) a couple of weeks before in a fit of frustration about his refusal to respond verbally to me. Now I was overcome with remorse for doing that when he, no doubt about it, was annoyed into silence by the situation.
When my friend and I returned from town, I went to him immediately and apologized. We had quite a long conversation which included him saying a greatly loved grandmother used to swear. When very frustrated once or twice he’d heard her say “Land ‘O Goshen.” She was a strong frontierswoman who embroidered fine linen; intrigued, I looked up the phrase.
Land O’ Goshen
Goshen is real land – it’s in Egypt, an edge of land where the Nile Delta farmland meets the eastern Sinai desert. The word in Hebrew means “drawing near.”
Wikipedia tells us that in Genesis 47:11 the Torah recounts that Joseph settled his father and brothers “in the choicest part of the land [of Egypt], in the land of Rameses” (also called Goshen). It was pastureland and especially suited to a shepherd people. Wiki also tells us that Goshen served as a buffer between Egypt and other peoples. Culturally Egyptians didn’t associate with shepherds in any way.
In the Genesis story years before the favored son Joseph of the Coat of Many Colors was sold into slavery by his envious brothers who tell their father he is dead. Genesis tells us how Joseph ends up a primary person in Pharaoh’s court.
Then famine sends Joseph’s brothers into Egypt to beg for food. Jospeh reveals himself to them and promises them the Land o’ Goshen for their families and flocks. Being there meant survival but kept them separate from the Egyptians. Later the Egyptians will enslave these people and the story of Moses and the Exodus follows.
Why Swear by Land O’ Goshen?
Once common the phrase can still be heard at times. When our grandma would swear by it her frustration was very high. She’d say it and leave the room.
I think the phrase is about exile. A favored son showing up in a coat of many colors, Joseph is exiled by his brothers to be sold into slavery. The brothers find him as a person of note in Pharaoh’s court. They are exiled by the famine into Goshen. Grandma, leaving the room, is distancing herself from her family or friend, preferring exile to annoyance.
I’ve seen people trip over something, swear and kick the object away. When we swear we exile the other person. We put distance between us. I might have said to my friend “if you would help me with a couple of the things on my list we could leave sooner.” But I chose to be annoyed. If I had sworn “Land ‘o Goshen” it might have been a cultural clue that I was annoyed, and my friend known I was frustrated.
The words describe the situation, but don’t curse it. Exiting on the line leaves space for reflection and time to balance for all involved. I recommend a recovery of swearing by Land o’ Goshen.
Two notes:
- The May 1st Beltane blog went out late due to a technological issue. Only one comment came my way so I want to recommend, if you missed it, that you give it a few minutes of your time. It explores another type of exile—of how to choose to live in community inside an unacceptable culture: https://lolawilcox.com/beltane-may-day-group-hunting-in-the-green-wood/
- Please take a moment to comment either on the website or by sending an email. The feedback on whether the blog is helpful to you guides and encourages me.
I found your blog touching and helpful. You made yourself very vulnerable in relating the friend/spouse happenings – but then these are the very best for learning. So Brave on You!
Words do have a great impact. I often feel their vibration and believe this is one way we are affected by their negativity or the opposite. Paraphrasing Meister Eckhart…In my writings, I put forth that words are like potent herbs or treasured gems–they possess great power. I said, ‘we could work wonders with words. All words have their power from the first Word.
Over the years, I certainly have reduced my use of swear words but moments of great stress or frustration will elicit the F word, or mostly just F. I feel pretty good if its just F. Better yet is if I have the presence of mind to do a forgiveness practice in the moment -or not soon after.
Seems like saying “Land of Goshen” would stop most opponents in their tracks – what is that ??
Love the pics you selected too.
Thanks so much for sharing.
Trish, thanks for bringing in the Meister Eckhart comments on Words. It reminds me that the letters of certain alphabets are considered archetypal holy energies – the Greek Alpha to Omega being one. It’s possible that means each word can be a prayer… or a curse, as I felt in my body in the initiating moment for this blog. Let’s choose to make all our words be blessings.
The teaching to think of a time when you said or did what the other person is saying or doing is one I’ll try to employ. It’s basically the Golden Rule but from the back door, so to speak. And it seems easy to remember even in a heated situation where your immediate reaction might not lead you to that moment of self awareness right away.
John, thanks for calling the practice “the back door of the Golden Rule”! That feels accurate and also amusing. We can raise a hand and say “Wait a little. I’ll respond after I take this situation through my back door.”
Never heard that about the Land o’ Goshen! I grew up in West Goshen Township in PA. According to online research the lands of Goshen were purchased in 1681 from William Penn as part of the Welsh tract of Westtown. I vote to bring back the saying as an alternative to the ubiquitous use of the f word running rampant. Thank you, Lola, for continuing to expand my horizons!
How interesting to learn you grew up in West Goshen – Pennsylvania! I suspect William Penn was very aware of what “Goshen” referred to historically.